Monday, January 07, 2008

The first bump in the road

As departure date draws ever near, I am pretty sure I am the only nitwit in my entire unit that does not have the new uniform. We were all issued the new ABU (airman battle uniform) and I'm going to tell you the little story of why I am the only person without a uniform.

Firstly, I put off filling out the order form because I was hoping they would get example uniforms in. You know, where you can like, try them on before you pick out which size fits you. No go. No example uniforms. We must guess. So in my rush to fill the form before the imaginary deadline they gave us expires, I forgot to fill out my boot size. When I got to supply to pick up my new boots, there were of course none waiting for me. While at first I wasn't totally certain that I was the one that FUBAR'd this up, I was in fact the person that did not enter my own boot size and I screwed this up. I only have myself to blame for this. See? I can own up!

However. While I was at supply trying to argue about my boots, I asked for the rest of my new uniforms. You know, the whole pants and shirt bit is kind of important. So the guy (whom I already pissed off with the boot ordeal) comes back and says we don't have your uniforms. What? WHAT! I need those! "You didn't fill out your sizes, that's why you don't have uniforms," he informs me. Now granted I did screw up the boot thing so I can't entirely blame him for being snide. But he was way more snide than he needed to be. I snatch the paper out of his hand. I distinctly remember filling out the sizes. I distinctly remember pitching a fit when one of my guys told me to order the size 40 belt ("40 runs small," he says. How can 40 run small? It's measured in INCHES! I am not a 40! It turns out I am a 40, as a matter of fact, the belt was the only thing that came in and he was dead on).

I stare at the paper. Sure enough, my sizes are all listed. Under the "female" column. The "male" column is appropriately left blank. I hand it back to him. "I am a woman," I informed him, half thankful that I was not the one that jacked this up, and half panicking because now I am the only individual out of hundreds that does not have a single piece of my uniform besides my belt. And time's a tickin'.

Rumor has it that my shirts came in. It sounds like they at least spelled my name right, which I know they did not do for others. However, I have no idea if this new uniform is going to fit. Odds are I will try it on for the first time mere hours before I leave. I am not going to lie, I am more than a little concerned about the fact that a)I will look like a giant dump truck or b)I am going to look like a fat girl in a little coat.

All of this could have been averted if they actually let us try on things before they made us order them. But alas, you go to war with the uniform you have, not the uniform you wish you had.

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